Why I didn’t go to the winter ball

Why I did not make it to the High School Dance

I woke up from my after school nap, told my parents I was leaving the house, to which they responded “FINALLY”. I assumed this was because of me letting in the four stray cats  the previous day but it could have been a number of reasons. I left the house but as I entered the sunlight, it began to burn my skin. I quickly realized that I must be a vampire and began running in circles outside, screaming “SAVE ME FROM THE SUN AND I VONT SUCK YOUR VLOOD!” The neighbors, who were used to this, replied “Alex, are we going to have to call the cops again?” But it was too late, by now I had used my super vampire speed to run to the police station for help.

This picture depicts me, sucking a young teen's blood. Also I forgot how to spell.

Their response was to test my blood for drugs which is stupid, because scientific evidence shows that there is no connection between vampires and drugs. They found that I had not taken any and were very puzzled. Then a teenage girl came out from behind a counter (apparently it was bring your daughter to work and have her watch as you interrogate  dangerous criminals day). She decided it would be funny to make a vampire joke, or maybe it wasn’t a joke I’m not sure, but she said “If your a vampire, then how come your skin didn’t sparkle in the sun when I saw you coming earlier?” She and the police began cracking up. To this I replied “TWILIGHT IS NOT VAMPIRES YOU STUPID FATTY”. And as the police were still laughing over what one of their daughters said, I quietly stole one of their guns and shot the daughter in the foot since she was so stupid. And fat. Now since I had never used a gun before turns out they have something called “recoil” which I was not expecting. Bottom line is that as I shot the gun, though I assume I hit my target, the gun flew back and hit me in the face, rendering me unconscious.

This is probably how I looked. Wait. When did I get out of cat form?...

The next thing I knew, I woke up in jail. I tried shaking the cell door open. No dice.  For a moment of pure fear I thought I might be in trouble. I then sighed with relief as I remembered my lock picking skill was over 9000 75. I pulled the lock pick out of my pocket, and picked the lock of my cell door. It was around this time that I realized I wasn’t a vampire. Getting hit in the face must have changed me back. I didn’t search the area for my belongings as I had none. Instead I ran right out of the jail into Whiterun San Bruno. I remembered with a rising urgency that the dance was in a few minutes, as it was 6 45. I started whirlwind sprinting back to Capuchino High School. But then I saw a shady looking person in a dark alley. I figured I had a few minutes to spare, and I walked into the back alley, as was my custom whenever seeing people in dark alleyways. He said while looking around “Yo kid, you buying??” I replied ” Sure! What are you selling?” He replied ” Just some Coke, Acid, the usual shit. What you want??” I said ” OOH is acid a new type of candy? Is it similar to warheads?” The guy looked at me funny for a second then replied “Sure, why the hell not”

This is what the guy looked like, for reference.

So I gave him the cash, and I received the candy  and I continued running towards the high school. As I was running, I popped the candy into my mouth. But then everything changed. To avoid making this post too long click here to hear about my acid experience. Anyways, later. And I mean later. I regained my normal senses, and I made it to the dance at around 8 oclock. I started right in, but I did’nt have ticket. That’s when I remembered I never bought a ticket since no one would go with me. And that, kids, is How I met your mother why I didn’t make it to the dance. True Story.